Not feeling very inspired

Peep, peep

Just a little peep.

Geepers creepers where’d you get those peepers?

Help me find my inspiration. Please. I seemed to have misplaced it somewhere.

I’ll just have to peep, peep, peep, till I get it back.

Row, Row, Row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, Merrily, Merrily Merrily, Life’s about a dream.

Just another frustration to add to all the others.

I think that last comment deserves a squawk. Instead of a peep.

Little Bo Peep lost her sheep. Hey! Maybe my inspiration wandered off with Bo Peeps sheep.

How does that rhyme go again … does she ever find her sheep?

Peep. Peep.

No peeps aloud from other peeping people.

Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy. A kid’ll eat ivy to. Wouldn’t you?

I think my inner child is trying to tell me something.

She’s peeping in nursery rhyme code though.

Star light. Star bright. First star I see tonight. I wish I may. I wish I might. Wish the wish I wish tonight.

Good night. My little one.

Sleep in peace.

The crash

The Crash

Shifting through turbulence,
A free and easy glide begins to sputter as my wings tipped of balance trying to compensate for the down draft.

This wasn’t supposed to happen…. I can’t seem to pull my nose up…. That’s it...
I’m going down head first… I’m going to crash… I’m going to die…someone save me…

Heightened sensitivity as the awareness of the process sets in.
The crash is complete as I coast into the familiar restraints of an uneasy mind

Curled up into a little ball on the couch I’ve tucked my toes in deep underneath the cushions. The rest of me leans sideways on the armrest with my head tilted so I can focus on the TV.
White noise of distraction flows from the screen connecting to my psyche creating a state of semi-conscious hypnosis
Held by the glare, I’ve reached the stagnated stare of withdrawal.
Time ticks on in short intervals between wake and sleep.
The shadowy evening becomes a blessing

The grace of night begins; glimmering threw the skylight above me. The same stars are always there. Like little pin holes in the darkened sky letting a little bit of light shine threw.
I’ve captured a reprieve.
Flickers of light held by the dark of the night in my skylight.
My companions, staying with me during my hours of self-imposed isolation.
They showed me the way through their luminous glow … a new pathway into flight.

Touch

To touch you is to heal me

Heal me with your touch

My hands begins to reach for you

I can feel my body transform

Two bodies - two souls

A connection

I'll abandon my will for you

touch me

Listening

Creating my own life, on my terms. With the primal word of truth

Speaking to my soul. I am



I am listening to you now; I am listening to you now.
I am listening to my body cry out in despair of error and pain
Stay with me, stay with me and listen to your voice.

Your separation is an illusion.

There is no disorder. There is only the divine plan.

Earth, Water, Fire, Ether and Air
I sleep, breath and eat.

Greed, Lust, Anger, Attachment and pride
I sleep breath and eat

Truth, dignity, compassion, neutrality and gratitude
I sleep, breath and eat
There is known attachments just polarities and duality.

This is what I’m composed of. These are the elements I’m made of.
I cannot really purge myself of anything because I am what I purge.

I am what I consume and I am what I eliminate

Open your ears to hear your own lover’s songs from the heart in unison with creation.

Crying out to you to please stop wounding me your sacred body.
Don’t touch me; everything is on fire with burning rage.

Feel the duality instigated by anger

Fire, the light. The light inside the body. Digestion. The gift of sight.

Nourishment and growth of the body.

Feed yourself with tenderness and affection. Give yourself kindness and understanding.

Allow yourself the learning process that is taking you threw the stages you need for the awareness you seek.

Feel the polarity

Spiritual illumination will heal you of your self imposed separation.

You cannot be soiled

You cannot be stagnant or burned or polluted or unattached.


Powerful influences. You have. You’re in good companion.

For there is one creator who has created this creation and I am one with all.

Disorder

Disturbingly satisfying

Even though

The disease of addiction

brings on the disorder of my eating

which continues the compulsion

to continuously throw-up (I mean

purge myself of food)

As disgusting as this seems

A habit is a habit

and so....

disregarding my best interest

and the despairing looks from my peers

I continue to binge and purge.

Addiction

Addiction

The demon of the disease

Addiction

by the time the awareness is their the vice holds strong and tightens

Addiction

I'm at war with my fears

Dark shadows

One step behind me

I'm in the fight for my life for the flight of my spirit

God knows I'm trying

Over stimulated by my own anxiety

Where's the balance?

Sweet peace envelop me

Almost like death

The Waiting Game

I'm not quite sure why....but I know I'm waiting.

I've been waiting all my life in fact. I just didn't know it.

Waiting.

Even before I was born

I was waiting,

While I was a tiny fetus in the warm womb of my mother

Waiting.

Infant. Waiting...

and so it goes.

One continuous lifelong motion in wait.

The one major problem with living life in wait but not knowing it is filling all those agonizingly incessant quadrillion seconds while you wait.

well, I think we all know what happens to people when were bored and impatient.

Right?

Ya. We start to think of creative ways to fill the void.

we have an unlimited access with the 'all that is energy' when we were given free will. Kind of like a platinum credit card.

just write it off as free will!!! I'll deal with the consequences muuuch late tarrr!

And so it goes on. The waiting game.

I don't know what I'm waiting for but I sure do want to do it right.

Trying to figure out the rules of the game though

Mmmmmm. Tough call.

Especially from the perception of a child. You really don't know who's out maneuvering whom when your young...

so, the void has been tentively laid out with a plan by the time you hit your teens.

from a child's perspective...

the waiting becomes more conscious now though, as were pressured by our surroundings to conform to society's expectations of accomplishments.

the meaning of life also come into play.

A little bit of confusion there.

Now were searching and waiting.

Mmmmmm. Time to make a detour

Escaping from the wait in itself almost became my life's ambition.

So many ways to detour and zillions and zillions of seconds to help me fill that void of wait.

The game almost became suspended as I coasted into oblivion with my zillions of seconds.

I like to describe it as my years in an altered state of consciousness.

I had reached my 40's when I finally broke free from my mmmmm....

extended siesta. Just to find out the game of wait had marched right along beside me.

Waiting.

Patiently waiting. Waiting for me. Waiting all my life. maybe even many life times. Could even have been since the beginning of the formation of thought itself.

Wow! that must make me a very important person.

and I am. I am because I'm a part of you and you and you. My strength is in knowing that I'm a part of every thing our consciousness has to offer.

Now that is awe-inspiring. Magnificently powerful. With endless possibilities.

I won.

Beauty lies within

Beauty lies within

A simple beautiful phrase

and yet with this beauty lies

all my secrets, all my sorrow

all my sadness and fear....

I pick up beauty and hold her close

to my heart

Beauty is sleeping, in the land of my dreams

She's just a child

I take her hand

and we smile

Power Poem

Your words hit me like a thunderbolt

They pearse my heart and I bleed

You turn my power against me

I become the words that you spew

I feel rancid and unworthy



How dare you justify your anger at my expense



I'll take my power back!



I can!



I'll become the person I know I can be

I'll be the person you fear me to be

Your words will still pearce my heart and

my heart will still bleed



I will bleed empathy for your pain, sorrow for your fear,

love for the beauty I see within you



I will pray with love in my heart for you



because I can

New Beginnings

Yes!... I did wake up...and I AM still breathing...Its a miracle!!!!

A new day has dawned. My first choice of the day?

Do I stay crumpy or do I shift into a more productive mode of being?.....I'm feeling better already as I write these words....Its another miracle!!!

....and thank-you for this beautiful day

Close out

Close Out

I feel

Shut down

Its real.....

to real.....

I feel

I have no way to deal with real.

True Blue

True blue

I see

The honesty that draws me close

Inspired by you

Your face, it changes

bright, expressive, contagious

The laughter of a child

Your face is so alive

True blue, covered in light

I love you

Love & Light

Patty