Releasing the doves

gliding like an Eagle

swift as a wolf

dancing with dolphins

a spiders creation
weaving a destiny

fertile

loaded with light

revitalizing this life

releasing the doves

sensing myself

I am free!!!

Here is something beautiful I found written by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh.

It is from a deck of inspirational cards called 'Present moment, wonderful moment'

One way to relate to the food we eat...

card 32. Beginning to eat

With the first taste,

I offer joy

With the second, I help 

relieve the suffering

of others.

with the third, I see others'

joy as my own.

with the fourth, I learn

the way of letting go.

Alright

If I'm not careful this blog could turn into a facebook application.Yikes!!!
Writing Satwinder this blog is to focus on writing.

The memory of addiction

This short story brings in closure, again....

The memory of addiction

Kitsilano. Such a beautiful place to live. Friendly people, coffee shops. The ocean not far down from 4th Ave. You can see glimpses of the beach as you walk past different sized condos mixed in with the houses still in their original form from 50 years ago. Well maintained and manicured.

These are some of the pleasant memories I have of living in the Kitsilano area. Brought forth to me easily as I put up flyers on streetlight posts advertising my friends moving company.

Everything is seen from a completely different perspective now, as I live my life free from drug addiction. 14 months clean. Ya!

As I put up another flyer, I look down a familiar alley. Oh yeah....I remember this alley....one of the many that my partner and I would travel down in the never ending search for bottles.

Perferably 2L's and plastic (because they're lighter). There were 2 kinds of hits that I and my boyfriend loved. The first and by far the best was a hit of heroin, the second was a hit of about 20 or 30 dollars worth of beer cans that somebody had just left in the ally and were meant for me and Steve. To us at the time, it was a godsend. We were the only ones meant to find this gift. Me and Steve the 'gift' along with our other 'treasures' would than proceed to find the shortest distance between us and the liquor store so we could 'liquidate' our bottles into cash and continue on our journey of the never ending search for hits.

Once the connection was made with the dealer, we would head back to one of our preferred places to fix. Usually a condo with a stairwell heading down into their parking lot. Never a busy place plus good access to clean water from the garden tap.

Fixing drugs: A very strong memory of addiction. It can also be a dangerous one. It depends on your perception at the time of the thought. Its kind of ironic though that something as unhealthy and with such dire consequences as fixing drugs in an ally way can also be incredibly seductive.

But not today. I look at the women of my past in my memory and thank God for my sobriety. How many years had I lived like that? Far to many and yet not enough to kill me.

My life today is so totally different. A life I could only dream of as an addict. Completely unattainable or so I thought. I found the silver lining in my cloud.

Perception!!

A little bit of personal stuff

More and more writing from my past. Living with drug addiction and a food disorder.

As I reread  these early recovery writings I can relate now to how truly misunderstood I felt.

Today I'm 5 years clean from drugs while the food disorder is still an on going challenge.

I welcome anyone who would like to connect with me about what they may be going threw with addiction or maybe just to comment on this blog or exchange writing.

Leave a message in the comment space.

This next poem I wrote when I had just moved out of a recovery house. I was 7 months clean from heroin & cocaine

Blindsided

Blindsided by you again and again

Take a chance you say with the contact sport of friendship

but its a dangerous game and I don't want to play.

Everybody's maneuvering into position.

Will my defenses be to weak?

Nobody likes to be blindsided

Its up to me I know

sometimes though...

I  don't know...

I begin to wonder why?

Just when I feel I'm beginning to understand and to have faith in the 

powers that be...

I'm blindsided by an unexpected blow from an unexpected 

source and my belief system that I built so strong...begins  to waiver in

stability.

My will or Gods will?

sometimes the line seems so fine. 

 

Obsession

Obsessions
Desires consume me
Dirty little secrets.
They sit in the corner within me and laugh.
I want.
Its all so physical.
Animalistic reactions.
Killer instinct.
Its frightening.
Where my mind won't go
My body takes control

Manifest

Manifest

Manifest this! Manifest that!

Baby, I want to manifest. What a wonderfully
powerful word.

Say it ten times fast!!

This is differently my word for the month! No. The year! No. The rest of my
Life!!

I can manifest anything I want.

Ask and you shall have.

Just ask the universe.

If we have enough faith that the universe will provide for us think of the
Immensity of possibilities we could create,
not just for you and me but for
every living creature, tree or rock on this planet.

True freedom the making?

What a beautiful world this would be and it begins with that first twinkle of a thought Filled with light.

Yes! I can.


Manifesting is done all the time.
Everything you dream or wish.
Every thought or idea that we think and comes true has been manifested by you at some level of your conciseness, so why not go one step further?

Expand the mind to the limitless. Set the seed of the true empowered nature of our spirit.

One soul at a time.

The universe is here to provide for us.

Yes! I would like to have enough money so I can live a comfortable life, along with all
The other interests and opportunities that are assessable to us but why stop their?

We have the power within us as a group conscience to change the world as we know it but why stop there?

If we truly believe we can access the universes energy and light than we have the ability to affect change not only on this planet but on every level of awareness here or anyplace else that’s in existence.
Now that’s an empowering thought? Isn’t it?


True freedom.


Manifested by the believe that anything is possible.